Tuesday, March 15, 2011

What Every Wife Wants from Her Mother-in-Law

As the years have passed the daughter, mother in law relationship has still maintained its presence as a problem in many marriages. A healthy mother-daughter in law relationship can be a very big asset to a family.
Bonding with your daughter in law could actually help her marriage to your son in the long run. The idea of helping a marriage along is a lot better than the alternative, isn't it? For the mothers in law of yesterday, today and tomorrow; I have gathered together some tips that will positively help your bonding experience with your sons wife.

(1) Accept her for who she is.
All mothers have a clear view of who they want their son to marry. Well ladies, most likely you are not going to get your image of a wife for your son. Fact is, your son married this girl because he loves her. Just remember that nobody is perfect and looking beyond imperfections is a great quality to have.
Coming into a new family is hard enough as it is, a new wife wants everyone in the family to like them, but your mother in law is who you really want to like you. Look deeper than her surface, a lot of her mistakes may just be that she is nervous being around you. Try to make her feel that she is welcome, not under a microscope.
(2) Gentle Advice.

Yes, we know that you only mean to help. Giving advice as a mother in law can be a very tricky situation. We as daughters want to respect and look up to our mother in law, why wouldn't we, you raised our beloved husbands after all. So a daughter is going to take every word you say to heart and a small comment might possibly take a colossal turn for the worst. You must tread carefully, especially when it comes to parenting advice, put yourself in her shoes and think how you would feel if your mother in law had made a like comment to you.
(3) The step grand children.

These days it has become very common for a wife to bring children into the marriage. Sometimes it may become a tendency to show more attention to the children that are biologically yours. Huge no no, this mistake could truly be your demise in the bonding I spoke of before. You might not even know that you are showing a preference, well your daughter in law will surly notice. The worst part is that her child(ren) might notice as well, and no one wants to make a child feel as if they don't belong. In the long run this could cause some sort of complex. Always treat the step grand children as if they were your own kin. Odds are that your son loves his wife's children just as much as his own.
(4) The "mind your own business" rule.

The day will come when you want to say something, when your son and daughter in law are arguing, or some such scenario and you are dying to say something. One word, don't. Your son grew up taking your advice and most likely hangs onto every piece of marital advice you have to give like its gold. If you want to avoid the heavily rumored title of "Monster in law." Try as hard as you can not to do it.
Remember that your son is a grown up now, he needs to learn to work through things with his wife. Better consult for serious arguments will most likely be a neutral party who is not biased against either person. These moments will come, believe me. When they do always remember, as much as you want her to be, nobody is perfect.
If your son or your daughter in law happens to come to you for this advice, then talk with them but try not to say anything direct. A very small comment could possibly end a marriage. Try to get them to talk to someone else. As much as you want to help or they may want your help. This tactic could possibly save your relationship with both of them.
(5) Respect.

Respect is usually given before it's taken away. It is not like trust which needs to be earned. This is a tip that pretty much explains itself. Always respect the fact that your son married this woman for a reason and other than you is the most important woman in his life. This love is what you and your daughter in law have in common. Try sharing this love together, instead of fighting for it.

I hope that these tips are of some help for all mothers in law. I am positive that letting your son go is one of the hardest things that you will ever do. If you follow these tips you will certainly have a better relationship with your daughter in law, which will result in your son being happy that his two best girls are so close. Everybody wins.

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